papa and Shoulin Kung Fu

On occasions when papa gets half baked, he starts telling us stories where names of characters are immaterial and personalities get intermingled. He starts playing different roles in it himself and things start appearing out of thin air. Nevertheless the underlying message of each such story is deep and meaningful. On one such occasion when cannabis was plentiful and listeners were eager, the following story of two friends who began their journey to learn Kung Fu was told.

First thing first, one was rich and the other was poor, and that is how things remained until the day of the great fight. Initially both the friends had belonged to the same temple but the poor guy had to leave his training in the middle to work for a butcher to make ends meet while he continued to train on his own with little help from outside. The rich guy however received the best training and developed fast reflexes and became a swift fighter. It was said about the rich guy that his movements were the fastest in all country, but whether he was the best fighter or not was to be decided in this great fight. The poor guys dream to be the best fighter was also set on this fight. So the stage was set and papa was there and we were listening. The fight started and papa's favorite poor guy started to lose against the swift punches from the other side.

Well of course the poor guy has to win, but how ? That was the question amongst us when papa decided to deliberate a little. I think the cannabis leaves had started their effect and papa had forgotten what happened next but according to him, as he was a person standing in the crowd watching the fight, his view had gotten blocked and was no longer able to see the fight anymore. We requested him to switch places with another guy, but how could he the strongest of all with infinite wisdom himself request to change places. He like "the agent" in matrix, became the other guy. Well the other guy instead of looking at the fight was indulged with a nymphomaniac and our dear lecherous papa began to describe how her vagina had become a "mansarover" and all the stages it must have gone through.

All funny, but then we must know what happened to the poor guy, we asked him to switch places again. He now became a doctor, started describing the benefits of measuring Reynolds Number instead of blood pressure as turbulence was the actual reason for heart failure. We again asked him to switch places, he became something else, apart from the fight he kept telling a lot of things like the difference between a horse and a mule by looking at its tail, how rajshree could increase sexual desire and various ways of spitting rajshree while having sex.

Bullshit, it was as if there was no person in the crowd who was interested in the fight. Well at least the poor guy must be interested in it. We requested him to transform into him. He did, and now he noticed something that no one in the crowd could have noticed and neither could the poor guy until papa started seeing through his eyes. The rich guy was fast, very fast, but there was a peculiar thing only papa could notice. The rich guys balls were shrinking. How papa could see it is unknown and should not be asked. Well the radius of the balls was shrinking at the third decimal place and no one but only papa could correctly guess the exact value just by staring at it for exactly 3.197642 seconds. And the rate of shrinking was increasing as the rich guy increased his pace. Papa immediately knew how to beat him. He spit rajshree masala on his face, that agitated him enough to increase his movements faster and faster and the shrinking rate of his balls kept increasing. Papa kept spitting on his face and he kept getting agitated, forgot all about the size of his balls and kept increasing his pace until the moment when his balls vanished, just boom and there was nothing.

The rich guys had lost his balls and his honor was lost. Like a great Kung Fu fighter, he committed suicide after his honor was lost. Papa and also the poor guy were the victorious ones.

Papa, you rock.